Some of My All-Time Favorite Quotes (On the Lighter Side)

This column was originally published January 7, 2015

I don’t have much for hobby collections, but one thing I get into collecting is quotes, signs, and phrases. They inspire me, make me smile, laugh, and put life into perspective. I thought I’d share some of the ones I found and liked the most.

• Live life like someone left the gate open.
• On a dairy man’s T-shirt: “Come smell our dairy air”
• What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except country girls. Country girls can kill you. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• Four words I never want to hear: I don’t love you. I found someone else. It was never real. We need to talk. I don’t remember you. Let’s just be friends. We can’t be together. There is no food. (thank farmers and ranchers for making sure this never happens!)
• You aren’t wealthy until you have something money can’t buy. Granger Smith
•  Sign: Keep gate closed. Don’t let the cows out no matter what they tell you.
• The best classrooms smell like a barn. Support Agricultural Education.
• There’s no Wi-Fi in the woods, but I promise you’ll find a better connection. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy cows, which is pretty much the same thing.
• I hate it when I plan a conversation with someone in my head and they don’t follow the script. (Note: This is me. I always hash out my argument’s conversation I plan to have with my husband when I’m mad at him.)
• We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too. Granger Smith
• FARMER: a person outstanding in their field.
• Sometimes bad decisions make for good stories. Granger Smith (I can’t express enough how true this is on a ranch).
• Farm girls have nice calves.
• Don’t mess with someone’s faith, family, or firearms. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1. She’s quiet, 2. She’s yelling, 3. She acts the same, 4. She acts different, 5. She murdered you. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• Teacher to students: “Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our trip to the farm yesterday?” Student #1: “Moooo!” Student #2: “Quack Quack!” Student #3: “BAAAAA,” Student #4: “Get off that #*@! tractor!”
• A gun is like a woman. It’s all about how you hold her. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• Sign: Chasing cows will be our fate if you do not close this gate.
• Déjà poo: the feeling you’ve heard this crap before.
• Why do we need guns? Because it ain’t easy throwin’ a rock 1400 feet per second. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• If you don’t think fear can control you then you’ve never been chased by a mad momma cow.
• FARMING: because starving sucks.
• Sorry, I only date country boys. You better know how to bait a hook   bale a field.
• Even if it’s too cold to roll the windows down I still like a backroad road to clear my head. Earl Dibbles Jr.
• Sign: WARNING: This property is a farm. Farms have animals. Animals make funny sounds, smell bad, and have sex outdoors. Unless you can tolerate noise, odors, and outdoor sex, don’t buy property next to a farm.
• (Photo of a cow in a pasture) I’m an expert in my field.
• In dog beers I’ve only had one.
• Scars are like tattoos with better stories. Granger Smith
• (On the rear door of a livestock trailer) Caution: Floor covered with political promises.
• Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.
• Of all the roads you travel in 2014, make sure most of ‘em are dirt. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• God gave us shin bones so we could find trailer hitches in the dark.
• Life is tough. Be tougher. Granger Smith
• On an inner tube rentals sign: RULES: You are not allowed to do ANYTHING that begins with the words… “Hey Ya’ll watch this!”
• You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun either run or marry her. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
• Love is watching someone else’s boring show on TV.
• Billboard sign: “This country needs a Department of Common Sense”
• I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
• Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. Zach Galifianakis

You can find more like these on my Pinterest pin boards “Rural Life/Agriculture,” “Good Quotes” and “Humor.”

 Copyright  © 2015 by Amy Kirk