Some of My All-Time Favorite Quotes (On the Lighter Side)

This column was originally published January 7, 2015

I don’t have much for hobby collections, but one thing I get into collecting is quotes, signs, and phrases. They inspire me, make me smile, laugh, and put life into perspective. I thought I’d share some of the ones I found and liked the most.

  • Live life like someone left the gate open.
  • On a dairy man’s T-shirt: “Come smell our dairy air”
  • What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except country girls. Country girls can kill you. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • Four words I never want to hear: I don’t love you. I found someone else. It was never real. We need to talk. I don’t remember you. Let’s just be friends. We can’t be together. There is no food. (thank farmers and ranchers for making sure this never happens!)
  • You aren’t wealthy until you have something money can’t buy. Granger Smith
  •  Sign: Keep gate closed. Don’t let the cows out no matter what they tell you.
  • The best classrooms smell like a barn. Support Agricultural Education.
  • There’s no Wi-Fi in the woods, but I promise you’ll find a better connection. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy cows, which is pretty much the same thing.
  • I hate it when I plan a conversation with someone in my head and they don’t follow the script. (Note: This is me. I always hash out my argument’s conversation I plan to have with my husband when I’m mad at him.)
  • We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too. Granger Smith
  • FARMER: a person outstanding in their field.
  • Sometimes bad decisions make for good stories. Granger Smith (I can’t express enough how true this is on a ranch).
  • Farm girls have nice calves.
  • Don’t mess with someone’s faith, family, or firearms. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1. She’s quiet, 2. She’s yelling, 3. She acts the same, 4. She acts different, 5. She murdered you. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • Teacher to students: “Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our trip to the farm yesterday?” Student #1: “Moooo!” Student #2: “Quack Quack!” Student #3: “BAAAAA,” Student #4: “Get off that #*@! tractor!”
  • A gun is like a woman. It’s all about how you hold her. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • Sign: Chasing cows will be our fate if you do not close this gate.
  • Déjà poo: the feeling you’ve heard this crap before.
  • Why do we need guns? Because it ain’t easy throwin’ a rock 1400 feet per second. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • If you don’t think fear can control you then you’ve never been chased by a mad momma cow.
  • FARMING: because starving sucks.
  • Sorry, I only date country boys. You better know how to bait a hook   bale a field.
  • Even if it’s too cold to roll the windows down I still like a backroad road to clear my head. Earl Dibbles Jr.
  • Sign: WARNING: This property is a farm. Farms have animals. Animals make funny sounds, smell bad, and have sex outdoors. Unless you can tolerate noise, odors, and outdoor sex, don’t buy property next to a farm.
  • (Photo of a cow in a pasture) I’m an expert in my field.
  • In dog beers I’ve only had one.
  • Scars are like tattoos with better stories. Granger Smith
  • (On the rear door of a livestock trailer) Caution: Floor covered with political promises.
  • Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.
  • Of all the roads you travel in 2014, make sure most of ‘em are dirt. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • God gave us shin bones so we could find trailer hitches in the dark.
  • Life is tough. Be tougher. Granger Smith
  • On an inner tube rentals sign: RULES: You are not allowed to do ANYTHING that begins with the words… “Hey Ya’ll watch this!”
  • You can tell a lot about a girl by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun either run or marry her. Earl Dibbles, Jr.
  • Love is watching someone else’s boring show on TV.
  • Billboard sign: “This country needs a Department of Common Sense”
  • I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
  • Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. Zach Galifianakis

You can find more like these on my Pinterest pin boards “Rural Life/Agriculture,” “Good Quotes” and “Humor.”

 Copyright  © 2015 by Amy Kirk


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