I Feel Like a Ranch Wife

My husband feels like he’s truer to the cowboy way and a better cowboy when he’s saddled up to get a cow in, and I can relate. The way a person goes about doing an activity or job can invoke certain feelings.

In her song, “Man! I Feel like A Woman!” Shania Twain feels like a woman when she and her friends have a girl’s night out.  Teenage boys feel more masculine once they start shaving. Bikers claim they feel free when they ride their motorcycle, and rock climbers say they feel alive when they reach a brutal mountain’s summit. Truck drivers feel like road warriors when they drive through hazardous road conditions unscathed and bronc riders feel like rodeo kings when they become world champions.

I feel more like a ranch wife when I do things in a particular manner, like being in the way while trying to sort off cows or bulls, or when a critter gets through the hole I was supposed to be blocking. Ranch wives have always been handy to blame things on and I’ve been blamed for a multitude of problems when there was no one else around, thus securing my feelings about being a ranch wife.  

I’ve reminded myself it’s just a ranch wife feeling every time I’m unable to read my rancher’s non-verbal instructions. When we’re working far enough apart that I can’t hear him, he’ll communicate in other ways that I struggle to correctly decipher. I frequently misinterpret reading his mind, hand signals, body language, or facial expressions indicating what he wants me to do with the pickup, trailer, tractor, gate, or horse that I’m in charge of. Yet his non-verbal communication has always been crystal clear when he’s mad.

Like my husband, I feel truer to what I am when I’m horseback, but more so during tense situations when reprimanded for my undesirable job performance. There have been times I didn’t race my horse fast enough to head off a calf that peeled back at the gate, or didn’t get a lead cow veering the herd off the trail, turned back soon enough.

I’ve never doubted my ranch wife status when it comes to doing ranch work. Being expected to handle a man’s workload without pay (unless getting paid a compliment like “good job, Honey,” counts), is another proof positive feeling of being a ranch wife.

Unfortunately, over the years I’ve proven myself as a capable “hand.” My husband knows that I’m always available, dependable, and trustworthy. I don’t do the work for the money; I can handle pressure and tension-filled working environments whether it’s dealing with him when he’s grumpy or difficult cows, and I can be relied on to work in all sorts of weather conditions.

Like many ranch couples who have gotten into arguments while dealing with cows, we’ve had our share of fights while working together. I’ve occasionally resisted feeling like a good ranch wife and helping out my husband as a result. I’ve asked him why he doesn’t just get somebody else to help him, and he answered me as if it should be obvious why he always asks me. “I need somebody who knows what’s going on so I don’t have to hold their hand to get the job done.” Every ranch wife knows what hearing that feels like.

This column was originally published February 1-7, 2009